Crack Head
Just finished watching the 1st season of da Ali G. show, Oh! Sublime Absudity! I wish some of Ali G. could rub off on me. (Dramatic Sigh. wink, wink).
And while we’re on the topic of absurd crack experiences, I had the pleasure of involving myself in a day long job interview the other day. It was probably the most manipulative and sadistic experience a company has ever forced upon me. Seriously.
The boss man, a Dave Navarro wanna-be, asked me to hang out and watch one of his “managers” for a day so I could learn the companies unique marketing techniques and then be quizzed about it at the end of the day( he called this, “phase two of the job interview”). Just to fill y’all in, phase one was the day before and lasted all of 5 minutes and mostly consisted of us talking about Jane’s Addiction.
Oh! And by the way, the company was presented to me an art wholesaler that outfits restaurants, hotels, and office buildings. Now, I suspected they were outfitting these places with framed and matted posters crap, but that didn’t bother me (much). I don’t know, I guess the way I see it is that framed and matted posters happen and may occasionally make an environment better.
About 5 minutes into my day long (approx. 10 hour) job interview I knew I wasn’t cut out for the position. My guide described the job as FUN, she said, “We’re going to have soooo much FUN today! This is the FUNNEST job! Seriously, just get ready because it’s going to be soooo FUN! You’re really going to be surprised how much FUN you can have working!”. I was scared, and in a decidedly non-fun, non-excited way.
What bothered me A LOT was that I got suckered into spending a whole day with a girl who dragged me around West Hartford, Connecticut watching her perform the most reckless, unskillful door to door sales of awful pictures depicting Yankee or Red Socks moments and their respective stadiums. Barf! Ok, ok she did have a few posters depicting a Picasso, or Monet, or Ansel Adams but NO BODY WAS INTERESTED, the type of people who buy from a door to door sales girl buy baseball memorabilia. Actually, I wasn’t that surprised nor angry about the whole snafu. I kinda had fun, it kinda felt like I was on drugs, or in another dimension, or in an absurd dream. I mean we were literally just walking through doors, without knocking, interrupting doctors with patients and getting kicked out of buildings. It was the most gonzo form of selling I could have ever imagined - totally intense, totally intrusive, totally disturbing. My girl guide was pretty jacked up all day due to an ongoing thirst for black coffee, double espresso’s, a lot of cigarettes, cookies, and candy. In spite of all her false energy she was actually quite sweet and insisted on buying me lunch at Lox, Stock, and Bagel where I feasted on a toasted, buttered, cheddar bagel. Mmmmm.
When the day was over I decided to go through with the quiz and be entertained by the “hey, aren’t I the coolest” poser boss. The final question on the quiz was, “why should we hire you?” I wrote “you shouldn’t”, and wished them the best of luck with their crack-head method of selling.
And while we’re on the topic of absurd crack experiences, I had the pleasure of involving myself in a day long job interview the other day. It was probably the most manipulative and sadistic experience a company has ever forced upon me. Seriously.
The boss man, a Dave Navarro wanna-be, asked me to hang out and watch one of his “managers” for a day so I could learn the companies unique marketing techniques and then be quizzed about it at the end of the day( he called this, “phase two of the job interview”). Just to fill y’all in, phase one was the day before and lasted all of 5 minutes and mostly consisted of us talking about Jane’s Addiction.
Oh! And by the way, the company was presented to me an art wholesaler that outfits restaurants, hotels, and office buildings. Now, I suspected they were outfitting these places with framed and matted posters crap, but that didn’t bother me (much). I don’t know, I guess the way I see it is that framed and matted posters happen and may occasionally make an environment better.
About 5 minutes into my day long (approx. 10 hour) job interview I knew I wasn’t cut out for the position. My guide described the job as FUN, she said, “We’re going to have soooo much FUN today! This is the FUNNEST job! Seriously, just get ready because it’s going to be soooo FUN! You’re really going to be surprised how much FUN you can have working!”. I was scared, and in a decidedly non-fun, non-excited way.
What bothered me A LOT was that I got suckered into spending a whole day with a girl who dragged me around West Hartford, Connecticut watching her perform the most reckless, unskillful door to door sales of awful pictures depicting Yankee or Red Socks moments and their respective stadiums. Barf! Ok, ok she did have a few posters depicting a Picasso, or Monet, or Ansel Adams but NO BODY WAS INTERESTED, the type of people who buy from a door to door sales girl buy baseball memorabilia. Actually, I wasn’t that surprised nor angry about the whole snafu. I kinda had fun, it kinda felt like I was on drugs, or in another dimension, or in an absurd dream. I mean we were literally just walking through doors, without knocking, interrupting doctors with patients and getting kicked out of buildings. It was the most gonzo form of selling I could have ever imagined - totally intense, totally intrusive, totally disturbing. My girl guide was pretty jacked up all day due to an ongoing thirst for black coffee, double espresso’s, a lot of cigarettes, cookies, and candy. In spite of all her false energy she was actually quite sweet and insisted on buying me lunch at Lox, Stock, and Bagel where I feasted on a toasted, buttered, cheddar bagel. Mmmmm.
When the day was over I decided to go through with the quiz and be entertained by the “hey, aren’t I the coolest” poser boss. The final question on the quiz was, “why should we hire you?” I wrote “you shouldn’t”, and wished them the best of luck with their crack-head method of selling.
posted by Sera Mac at Wednesday, December 14, 2005
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